How honest should a person be with friends, with strangers and on the internet?
I have kept a private journal for about 20 years now. There is nothing spectacular about it. It's just a place where I can put down my thoughts. After putting them down I rarely read them again but just the act of writing my thoughts out and seeing them in black and white helps me know where I am at in my life. Most of the time if I am struggling with a question it is worked out when I post an entry to my journal.
Blogging kind of gives the same kind of feeling that journaling does. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the internet and there are a lot of loonies out there that might take personal information and try to use it against you somehow. My mind does not work like that. I don't understand people who do that kind of stuff. I know that "what goes around, comes around" so I don't wish that on anyone.
I used to be a very open and honest person with the people that were in my life but I find that is not a prudent thing to do. Most people are judgemental and when they see a weakness in a person's life they treat you like a leper. So I am learning how to be honest and wise. What does the Bible say? "Be wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove." The scripture applies to more than what I want to talk about right now. It's talking about how to approach people. There is another scripture where it says that Jesus did not put all his trust in man because He knew the "nature" of man. If Jesus would not put all his faith and trust in people I sure am not going to do that either. So I guess with that being said I am just not as open with people as I used to be.
Someone told me once that I wore my "heart on my sleeve." I don't think I fully understand what that means. I think it has to do with "openess" and "vulnerability." I spent the first 15 years of my adult life being "open" and "vulnerable". Then my illness hit me and I was totally closed off to all people, even my closest friends. That lasted about 10 years. I have come a long ways and I am not ashamed of my illness anymore but I find it's not "prudent" (there's that word again) to share my illness with everyone I know. But here I am on the internet talking about it. I guess it's easier because I cannot see you face to face and you cannot see me either. I could post a picture of myself and you may be able to read part of who and what I am but still there is a lot you would not know. I am ready to be "vulnerable" again but I don't think I wear my heart on my sleeve anymore.
I have not completely answered the question to "how honest should a person be...?" I will leave that up to yourself. Of course, it's different for every person. I would love to hear your comments. Please feel free to post one. I would love to know your thoughts.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
It has been almost a year since my last post. I reread the last post. I had forgotten that I had bared my soul on the internet. Oh well, that's what blogs are for.
I have not crocheted much of anything new except for some earrings and bookmarks. I have started making things for my Christmas list. I know it's early but as I have said before I never know if I am going to be well so I plan ahead. I have made more skulls. They are very popular. I am selling the pattern for them. They are super easy to make. I will try to add a link to Ravelry so you can buy the pattern from here. I will have to research it a little. It's been a long time since I have tried to do much on the computer but surf the net.
I haven't attempted to make any bags this year. I have been on the down side of my illness. "What goes up must come down." Part of the reason for me having the blues is that my craft room is currently occupied. As wonderful as it is having my daughter move back in with me, I really miss my craft room. Our home is very small. It's about 1100 sq. ft. I had the room stuffed with yarn and craft supplies. The sheds are full so I had to stack some boxes and project bags in my room and in the living room and I did leave some boxes of yarn in the closet of my former craft room.
I am coming out of the depressive phase slowly. The nice warm weather with lots of sun has helped me a great deal. I tend to get SADS during the winter season. The other reason why I am climbing out of the hole is because I am finally getting my meds stabilized. My attention span is better and I am able to concentrate and remember things better. I have never had a great memory but the illness and the meds have made the short term memory worse. I am not getting any younger either and I am sure that is a contributor but I like to blame everything on the meds.
When I get some free time and my mind is clear I will try to add some pictures and the link to my Day of the Dead Skull pattern.
I have not crocheted much of anything new except for some earrings and bookmarks. I have started making things for my Christmas list. I know it's early but as I have said before I never know if I am going to be well so I plan ahead. I have made more skulls. They are very popular. I am selling the pattern for them. They are super easy to make. I will try to add a link to Ravelry so you can buy the pattern from here. I will have to research it a little. It's been a long time since I have tried to do much on the computer but surf the net.
I haven't attempted to make any bags this year. I have been on the down side of my illness. "What goes up must come down." Part of the reason for me having the blues is that my craft room is currently occupied. As wonderful as it is having my daughter move back in with me, I really miss my craft room. Our home is very small. It's about 1100 sq. ft. I had the room stuffed with yarn and craft supplies. The sheds are full so I had to stack some boxes and project bags in my room and in the living room and I did leave some boxes of yarn in the closet of my former craft room.
I am coming out of the depressive phase slowly. The nice warm weather with lots of sun has helped me a great deal. I tend to get SADS during the winter season. The other reason why I am climbing out of the hole is because I am finally getting my meds stabilized. My attention span is better and I am able to concentrate and remember things better. I have never had a great memory but the illness and the meds have made the short term memory worse. I am not getting any younger either and I am sure that is a contributor but I like to blame everything on the meds.
When I get some free time and my mind is clear I will try to add some pictures and the link to my Day of the Dead Skull pattern.
Monday, July 12, 2010
It has been too long since I last posted anything in my blog.
Blame it on my illness. Even though I have to admit that I have an illness to overcome I am not without faith. My basic premise on faith concerning sickness and disease it simple. It goes like this:
1) Sickness and disease are not from God
2) It is not God's will that we be sick
3) Sickness and disease exist because of the Fall of Man
4) The New Testament claims that Jesus healed ALL their diseases
5) The new Testament also claims that the great Heroes of Faith did not always get everything they were promised while living on this earth. Case in point -- Abraham was promised that his "descendants would be as numerous as the stars". That did not come true until many years after his death.
6) We have nothing to lose even it all circumstances say we are going to die of illness and disease.
7) God promised us "four score and 10" if we walked in obedience to the Lord.
8) Many of the problems we have involving bad health are self induced.
I just came back from a "bad episode". I am bipolar or manic/depressive. Bipolar is the new name. There are two different categories for bipolar. Rapid cycling and one that is not rapid cycling. I have been diagnosed for 13 years with the latter.
It has always been a real challenge to bounce back from an episode because they last anywhere from 3-6 months long and the after effects even longer, not to mention how devastating an episode can be for my family. My illness prevents me from being able to make long term plans. Shortly after an episode I cannot even make short term plans.
The doctors tell me that every episode is a little worse than the episode before it and having experienced first had, I believe it. I didn't, at first, but now I do. Most of the time a current episode will be worse that the episode before it but not in every case.
I want my life to reflect the faith I have in the Power of God to heal us. It is so natural that are bodies, under normal circumstances, heal themselves and we take it for granted. Our cells rejuvinate continually and we don't even have to think about it and we forget that all healing comes from God. Even natural healing comes from God. "Every good and perfect gift comes from God." I don't want to forget to thank my Lord for helping me through the "thick and the thin" and I have been down this road before so what can I do now but thank my Lord for getting me out of a bad spell. It takes very long most of the time even though I have experienced instantaneous healing before. In my case, instantaneous healing has been the exception but not the norm.
I know that many issues between me and my Lord have been settled because I no longer ask why. That's one of the questions I will ask my Lord when I get to heaven. Why. I also know that God has been healing me in spite of my last episode because I have my joy back and it comes from deep inside my soul. Gratefulness comes natural to me as it once used to be. It is true what the Bible says. "The joy of the Lord is my strength" and I get to experience that strengthening day by day. That is not to say that I am patient about it. I am still human and have my faults but my journaling today is not to point them out to you. Maybe on another day but not today I will share my weaknesses with you.
The final thing I wanted to say was that I can finally experience the feeling of joy and happiness without feeling guilty. A small part of me wants to go there but I will not anymore. Being able to experience peace and joy is very valuable to me. Today is a happy day for me. Tomorrow may be a different story. Maybe I will have a bad day tomorrow but I am not expecting to receive bad luck anymore. And if I do I know that all I have to do is wait a little while and the problem will be resolved. As I walk in obedience there is a reward - joy and peace in my life and healing too!
Blame it on my illness. Even though I have to admit that I have an illness to overcome I am not without faith. My basic premise on faith concerning sickness and disease it simple. It goes like this:
1) Sickness and disease are not from God
2) It is not God's will that we be sick
3) Sickness and disease exist because of the Fall of Man
4) The New Testament claims that Jesus healed ALL their diseases
5) The new Testament also claims that the great Heroes of Faith did not always get everything they were promised while living on this earth. Case in point -- Abraham was promised that his "descendants would be as numerous as the stars". That did not come true until many years after his death.
6) We have nothing to lose even it all circumstances say we are going to die of illness and disease.
7) God promised us "four score and 10" if we walked in obedience to the Lord.
8) Many of the problems we have involving bad health are self induced.
I just came back from a "bad episode". I am bipolar or manic/depressive. Bipolar is the new name. There are two different categories for bipolar. Rapid cycling and one that is not rapid cycling. I have been diagnosed for 13 years with the latter.
It has always been a real challenge to bounce back from an episode because they last anywhere from 3-6 months long and the after effects even longer, not to mention how devastating an episode can be for my family. My illness prevents me from being able to make long term plans. Shortly after an episode I cannot even make short term plans.
The doctors tell me that every episode is a little worse than the episode before it and having experienced first had, I believe it. I didn't, at first, but now I do. Most of the time a current episode will be worse that the episode before it but not in every case.
I want my life to reflect the faith I have in the Power of God to heal us. It is so natural that are bodies, under normal circumstances, heal themselves and we take it for granted. Our cells rejuvinate continually and we don't even have to think about it and we forget that all healing comes from God. Even natural healing comes from God. "Every good and perfect gift comes from God." I don't want to forget to thank my Lord for helping me through the "thick and the thin" and I have been down this road before so what can I do now but thank my Lord for getting me out of a bad spell. It takes very long most of the time even though I have experienced instantaneous healing before. In my case, instantaneous healing has been the exception but not the norm.
I know that many issues between me and my Lord have been settled because I no longer ask why. That's one of the questions I will ask my Lord when I get to heaven. Why. I also know that God has been healing me in spite of my last episode because I have my joy back and it comes from deep inside my soul. Gratefulness comes natural to me as it once used to be. It is true what the Bible says. "The joy of the Lord is my strength" and I get to experience that strengthening day by day. That is not to say that I am patient about it. I am still human and have my faults but my journaling today is not to point them out to you. Maybe on another day but not today I will share my weaknesses with you.
The final thing I wanted to say was that I can finally experience the feeling of joy and happiness without feeling guilty. A small part of me wants to go there but I will not anymore. Being able to experience peace and joy is very valuable to me. Today is a happy day for me. Tomorrow may be a different story. Maybe I will have a bad day tomorrow but I am not expecting to receive bad luck anymore. And if I do I know that all I have to do is wait a little while and the problem will be resolved. As I walk in obedience there is a reward - joy and peace in my life and healing too!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Entering another season
I have been crocheting less and listening to music more. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I tend to get into the music and the lyrics. The lyrics from this Fleetwood Mac song written by Stevie Nicks seem to really hit home these days
--can the child within my heart rise above?
--can i sail thru the changin' ocean tides?
--can I handle the seasons of my life?
i don't know.....
Friday, September 18, 2009
A Light Read
I wanted to mention a new book that was just released a few months ago. Every crocheter has to have one. It's an easy read and they call it an "essay collection. . .specifically for crocheters." Filled with humor and sarcasm.
It's called Hooked for Life, Adventures of a Crochet Zealot by Mary Beth Temple.She is an author, designer and the host of the Getting Loopy podcast. She has requested when buying the book to click on the Amazon link at her website. I am a third of the way through the book and my favorite essay so far is "Greetings from Mount Yarn." If you have a "mount yarn" you have to read the book.
It's called Hooked for Life, Adventures of a Crochet Zealot by Mary Beth Temple.She is an author, designer and the host of the Getting Loopy podcast. She has requested when buying the book to click on the Amazon link at her website. I am a third of the way through the book and my favorite essay so far is "Greetings from Mount Yarn." If you have a "mount yarn" you have to read the book.
The Allotrope Ciliated Bag in Crochet
As mentioned earlier, I wrote a pattern. And then I wrote another one. The new pattern will be available on Ravelry in a few days. I have a wonderful group of internet friends who have volunteered to test the pattern for me. (I can't mention their names because I don't have their permission) It's good to have a few pair of eyes to catch the mistakes and give you feedback.
This pattern is for a bag which is super simple to make. It's a good design for a beginner and I want the pattern to be easily understood.
There is a story behind the name of the bag. If you are curious go to your online dictionary and look it up. The Free Pattern for the Allotrope Ciliated Bag in Crochet can be found here. You have to be a member of Rav to get to it.
This pattern is for a bag which is super simple to make. It's a good design for a beginner and I want the pattern to be easily understood.
There is a story behind the name of the bag. If you are curious go to your online dictionary and look it up. The Free Pattern for the Allotrope Ciliated Bag in Crochet can be found here. You have to be a member of Rav to get to it.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Day of the Dead Crochet Skull Pattern
This is my first pattern. I've added a link to my blog today. It's a free download on Ravelry. I made my first skull for my son. After he saw it he wanted a whole set in different colors to use as coasters in his new home. A friend of mine suggested a Day of the Dead set. My other son wants it appliqued on the back of his jacket. Then there are totes and sweatshirts and biker jackets it can be appliqued on. Someone else I know wants to frame her skull and hang it as a piece of art on her wall.
Enjoy! I would love to hear your ideas.
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